Congratulations! You're Elrond!


Which Lord of the Rings character and personality problem are you?
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*hoots with laughter* =p Oooh, I never realised Agent Smith was also Elrond, and when I learnt about it just a few days before watching the LOTR trilogy marathon (which was seriously VERY worth the butt-numbing experience), it totally cracked me up! Not that I got over it real fast. Hehehe. My friend and I were perpetually grinning to each other whenever Elrond aka Agent Smith appeared on screen, with dialogue. =p

But anyways. =)

Ok ok, been on the quiet side lately, no complusion/reason to blog, but there never really is for me. Blogging's more of a form of personal online entertainment, apart from the mass relaying of news I have little desire to repeat a few times over. But few actually do pass by this place on the web so that purpose has become rather redundant. Ok, feeling rather high now, don't quite know why. Might be the hour of the day (0055hrs!), or the amt of soft drinks I've guzzled today... or... or... might also be because I have successfully (I think) settled the Tackle Box's youth bulletin for 4th Jan. Yippee. =)

Hrm. Can't think of anything else to write about. Hmmm...

PCM gals got me this lovely pair of earrings as a bday present. I'm smitten by them!!!! *silly grin*

Both Sides Now
by Joni Mitchell

Rosen flows of angel hair
And ice cream castles in the air
And feather canyons ev'rywhere
I've looked at clouds that way

But now they only block the sun
They rain and snow on ev'ryone
So many things I would have done
But clouds got in my way

I've looked at clouds from both sides now
From up and down, and still somehow
It's cloud illusions I recall
I really don't know clouds at all

Moons and Junes and Ferris wheels
The dizzy dancing way you feel
As ev'ry fairy tale comes real
I've looked at love that way

But now it's just another show
You leave 'em laughing when you go
And if you care, don't let them know
Don't give yourself away

I've looked at love from both sides now
From give and take, and still somehow
It's love's illusions I recall
I really don't know love at all

Tears and fears and feeling proud
To say "I love you" right out loud
Dreams and schemes and circus crowds
I've looked at life that way

But now old friends are acting strange
They shake their heads, they say I've changed
Well something's lost, but something's gained
In living ev'ry day

I've looked at life from both sides now
From win and lose and still somehow
It's life's illusions I recall
I really don't know life at all
I've looked at life from both sides now
From up and down, and still somehow
It's life's illusions I recall
I really don't know life at all

I have only God to thank for His graciousness - I passed all 6 modules. For the uninformed, I sat for the Cell Bio and Introductory Biostats final exams with an F grade in both.

2003/2004 Sem 1 Examination for SCIENCE 2

CZ1102 PROBLEM SOLVING & COMPUTATION B-
LAT1201 THAI 1 C+
LSM2103 CELL BIOLOGY D+
LSM2104 ESSENTIAL BIOINFORMATICS & BIOCOMPUTING B-
ST2238 INTRODUCTORY BIOSTATISTICS C
GEM2005 FILM AND HISTORY S

CAP: 2.6

Had dinner out with Polar Bear and Sheep today! =)

Photos! Photos!



L-R: Candice, Shaun, and Joel - My "not-so-surprise" bday celebrants. Ok, I was extremely delighted AND mildly surprised at each point when each of you turned up! =)




Argh, so touched, cannot take it! *turns red*




Die cake, DIE!!!!! *stab stab stab* Erm. Whoops. =p




The ppl who made my day! (I just love this particular shot, don't you? =p)

To every single person who brought a smile to my face and made me feel special/loved in one way or another today, I thank God for you from the bottom of my heart. You've really made a difference. =)

Watched Le Papillon today. Good movie, worth the $6.50 paid for weekday screenings. If the uncomplicated and albeit predictable storyline doesn't win you over, the little female lead named Elsa (Claire Bouanich) will. She's extremely endearing and so worth watching the movie for! And French, for once in my life, comes across as a charming language sans the romance it is so heavily associated with. The way Elsa goes "Oui?" is simply delightful. *grin*

PS: I'm typing this in my room. Go figure what I bought today.

Sandals. Tim Sum maggi mee. 3 headless patridges. Orange light. A/X shop window lights. Cinnamon sugar pretzel. Jackets. Sweaters. Trinkets and knick knacks. Soft toys. Cheesecake sticks. Mmmmm. 'Talent scouts'. Loose passion fruit tea leaves. On the bus. Off the bus. Blue-coloured popcorn. Crazy First Love!. Love Actually. Bags. Clothes. Batik skirts. And these are a few of my favourite things. No. Not really. But had a pretty good time in town with dear ol' Candice yesterday - Thanks for the company and pigging out together.

***

Looking at photos of Squee as a palm-sized creature brings back memories. And unfortunately tears too. Like I shared with some people, I'm so sick and tired of crying. 7th May seems to have taken place decades ago. I guess you can refer to what I'm feeling as bitter-sweet right now. The inner me dryly noted that it seemed to be a case of 'easy come, easy go'. Just 5 days short of 8 months that he was with us. And who would have known I was to experience the nurturing, the training, the fun and irritations, and finally the loss of, all under 8 months. Sometimes I feel like screaming out that this is all just too cruel. Anyway, I intend to keep the soft toys he grew up with - the tiny Ikea teddy bear was the first soft toy I handed over to him during his shoebox days. I used it under the pretext of a fellow littermate and made him fight with it as he would in a proper litter of kittens. Argh ok. How much more do I want to reminisce??

There was this instance when I bent down to pick up something that had rolled near a cabinet, and I half-expected to see a playful paw shoot up from under it. The blur between mental reality and actual reality. I don't really know what to say, that I feel better? Then I'm inclined to think that I'm cold-hearted. But when my eyes start welling up again I sometimes wince and wonder how long more. So it is that I haven't replied to any sms that started of with "Are you feeling better already?". The first one I got made me feel utterly confused and to a certain extent, annoyed, and I very nearly sent back a nasty reply.

The periods between the moments of sadness grow longer. Slowly slowly slowly... One day at a time. And please, if you're going to interpret this as 'Oh, she's getting over it" and tell it to me in my face, I'll feel inclined to scream at you. I don't expect everyone to understand how it feels, but having to deal with their response, sometimes I wish they all did.

I miss him so much and it doesn't help that things ard the house serve as reminders of him. Like the empty space next to my Eeyore soft toy that used to be occupied by a beanie dog. I suspect that it got dragged off by him to play with but I've never found it since I'd discovered its disappearance a few weeks back. And how sometimes at night he'd jump up onto my bed (even though I didn't encourage it) and snuggle up at my feet to sleep with such content and peace on his face...

I arrived from JB to an empty home, and only Richie greeted me at the door. Thought Squee would be locked up in the toilet when no one else is home as would be the usual arrangement but when I went to look, the door was ajar and he wasn't there. Called for him but he didn't show up at all, for some reason I just thought that my mum had prob brought him to the vet for a sterilisation appointment (which I'd mentioned to her I'd planned to have him checked up and all this month in view of the hols).

Mum came back not long after when I finished unpacking, the first thing I asked her at the door of course was "Where's Squee". She told me. Apparently on Tues night, he was left to run free about the flat while she snoozed in the living room. When she woke up at daybreak and called for him, no Squee appeared. After sending my dad and bro down the block to search for him, nothing. No carcass. No sign of Squee ever since Tuesday night.

In other words, my kitten whom I'd brought up by hand for 3 solid months has mysteriously disappeared. Of course I'm damn upset. Of course I'm crying. Sure, no more time will be wasted on trying to shoo him out from under the beds or cleaning up after him just before I've to rush out of the house, or picking up stuff he's swatted off from shelf to floor. Or even untangling my hair from his ever-busy paws. Is that a relief in itself? That my (and my mum's) life is just that little more freed up to tend to our own appointments? It's just a cat after all right? But do you know how it feels to lose something you've cherished (admittedly not always, I did have my days when I looked at him with utter irritation), something you spent so much time and care over, taking care of it, nursing it, hoping that it would get better (which he eventually did and had a semblence of intelligence to actually take pride in) and having it integrated into part of your daily life, to wake up and see him around the flat, either sleeping in a concussed manner in all places or running around in estacies over a simple piece of clanking plastic, or bickering in the most ridiculous and unchanging manner with Richie? Do you know the attachment that grows in you when you bring up something from young - even though Squee was somewhat of a background fixture in my daily routine of school and activities.. That attachment resides quietly in the corner of your mind, deciding to remind you of its existence in certain moments every now and then. Just before I left the home for Anntic in JB, Squee had somehow caught a dragonfly and had its head in his mouth with its wings buzzing away haplessly - he wanted the dragonfly for himself of course and tried to escape my attempts to pry his mouth open to free the mutiliated dragonfly and he jumped up on the counter next to the kitchen window, bashing the dragonfly against the window in the process and left a dragonfly-goo mark on the glass? Or how his displays of appreciation over being molly-coddled over seemed so funnily exaggerated but so heart-warmingly sincere? And even though he was a grubby kitten in his own right, never endeavouring to wash beyond the front of his ears and even smelling a bit (which meant more work in the sense of having to bathe him more frequently than Richie)... It's not fair, ok? I don't know what's happened to him. No one does. No carcass to prove his demise, no witness at all to give a clue as to where he went. The only plausible theory is that he missed his balanced or actually jumped out of the window, probably attracted by something fluttering there, on Tuesday night. How else can you explain a missing cat in a HDB flat located 22 storeys up? He can't open the main door. Mum said that Dad suggested putting up pictures of Squee around the area in the hope of someone being able to identify him but honestly I don't have faith in that. Given the circumstances I'm convinced that Squee can only be gone for good. And it's just not fair. He's been with me for just short of 8 months. I picked him up on the 7th of May and after all this while to just lose him like that...

And part of me's reasoning that he's just a cat, without a soul, who gave more trouble than I'd have wished for at times, who caused my dad to make remarks about getting rid of him since he didn't seem worth taking care of, which incensed me tremendously, who (and this I retorted in agitation at my mum) cost me nearly my entire hols to take care of him, BUT I ENJOYED THE WHOLE PROCESS.

During certain parts of the camp I'd felt some strange fears in my heart that caused me to hope that all would be safe and sound back home. And I really didn't expect this to happen. And another odd matter was that someone who lived in my block jumped to his/her death on Wed night - of this my mum had informed me. I think I've written down all with regards to Squee that I'd wanted to remember or rationalise - all the rest of the stuff in this paragraph are just ramblings of a tired and upset mind... I'm still crying. I know that in time the anger and hurt and devastation over the loss would cease. And in time this would just be a memory of the past, or a fact, rather. But I'd always hoped to see Squee grow past his first year and hence into official cat adulthood, and then on to many more years together down the road. But no, he's not here anymore and I seriously doubt that he's coming back ever. And that hurts. Really, despite all the trouble he's caused and the future trouble he would have caused...

And I suppose this is the last time he shall have reason to be mentioned in my journals. Squee, my kitten whom I'd no qualms refering to as 'baby' when alone or in private. Who exasperated me so but also made me laugh with his madcap antics. Squee, what on earth did you do...?